There’s always something to howl about

Todd Carpenter joins the Knights Who Say SMIE!

Todd Carpenter, the National Association of Realtors’ official In-House Social Media Judas Goat, has announced that he is leaving that charnel house of corruption for the slightly-less-corrupt Carpenter, who almost immediately proved himself to be much too goaty for the refined nostrils of Michigan Avenue, managed to last three years with the NAR.

His new position at Trulia is entitled — I kid you not — Senior Manager of Industry Engagement (SMIE). In an earlier, more circumspect age, a job title like this would have implied carefully-honed skills in affable-cocktail-drinking, check-grabbing and barely-losing-at-golf. In the era of the epoch, Todd’s function will be to be well-known to thoughtless TwitBook time-wasters in the real estate business, thus to provide “social proof” that advertising on Trulia is an unbeatable waste of money.

Carpenter’s announcement is the fourth in a recent series of similar “news” stories. Todd will be following Bob Bemis, Jay Thompson and Duane Fouts into exciting, challenging leadership roles in the burgeoning Judas Goat industry. In light of Carpenter’s utterly implausible new job title, I have denominated all of these sellouts great guys “The Knights Who Say SMIE!” They may not actually say “SMIE!,” mind you, but you can bet they’ll say what they’re told to say. To do less would be cheating the shareholders, when the job description clearly calls for gulling the yokels.

As always, if you don’t know who is the yokel — it’s you. If you don’t believe me, check for blood in your underpants.

I have warned you about all this for many years. You didn’t listen then, and you won’t listen now. But if all the mad monkeys of the TwitBook mob “decide” to tee me up for a Two Minutes’ Hate, could y’all please go the extra mile and hate my new book and web site, too? Chapters 10 and 11 explore the mob mentality thoroughly, so there’s plenty to rant about.

But: Still: My heart goes out to Todd Carpenter, easily the most easygoing of The Knights Who Say SMIE! I always thought he was redeemable, and I still do. And look at the bright side: He may still be saying, “SMIE!” for a living, but at least the money he takes home will have been proffered by volunteers, not MLS-slaves. And unlike the other KWSS-asses, Todd is at least moving up on the ladder of moral character.

(Hat tips: Lani Rosales and Teri Lussier.)


11 Comments so far

  1. Teri Lussier April 12th, 2012 2:01 pm

    Oh great. Now every time I read something they’ve written, it’s going to be in the Knights Who Say SMIEEEEEE voice. Thanks, Greg. Thanks a lot.

    And 0 = 0 > -1, or so I hope. πŸ™‚

  2. Greg Swann April 12th, 2012 3:44 pm

    > it’s going to be in the Knights Who Say SMIEEEEEE voice

    I was fifteen years old the first time I saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I was on my own in Boston for the Summer and I saw the film at the Exeter Theater on Dartmouth Street in the Back Bay. It was a converted Anglican Church, very ornate and spooky. I saw Lina Wertmuller’s Swept Away there, too. There is no one growing up today who has the kind of freedom I had as a kid. I’m sure it’s what made me such an exquisite pain-in-the-ass today.

  3. Greg Swann April 12th, 2012 2:08 pm

    @tcar: I owe you a drink for this. Phone me when they send you to Phoenix.

  4. Teri Lussier April 12th, 2012 4:26 pm

    And shrubbery. I shall send them shrubbery. Jamie and I still don’t say shrubbery properly.

    > There is no one growing up today who has the kind of freedom I had as a kid.

    The boomer generation completely sucked the freedom out of life.

    >I’m sure it’s what made me such an exquisite pain-in-the-ass today.

    I’m sure there were a few other contributing factors. πŸ˜€

  5. Jason Hershey April 12th, 2012 5:36 pm

    Greg, appreciate the creative way you tell it like it is. Thanks

  6. Greg Swann April 12th, 2012 5:57 pm

    I am grand-nephew to Prometheus and second-cousin to Odysseus. I drink from a cup once treasured by Juvenal himself. For now at least, the muse is mine to make dance.

    In other words: Thanks. πŸ˜‰

  7. Ken Brand April 12th, 2012 6:14 pm

    I’ve always appreciated your writing and story telling, although mostly your angles of approach rub me wrong. Except of course in cases like this, where I agree and everything about this share glitters. Which goes to show, it’s not you, it’s me. Rock on Greg.

  8. Greg Swann April 12th, 2012 6:40 pm

    Bless you, Ken. Thank you.

    I think satire is a vice, to say the truth, but it is my favorite vice. I do like savory and spicy, though, and I love to linger on the reader’s tongue. Even so, I readily concede that my kind of cooking is an acquired taste. And if I can claim any virtue in making my moonshine hot sauce, I never fight below my weight class and usually well above it. And voila! It’s raining metaphor stew! πŸ˜‰

    Congratulations on the book: Less BLAH BLAH More AH HA. I love to see hard work paying off.

  9. Todd Carpenter April 12th, 2012 11:36 pm

    Thanks Greg. Next time I am in AZ, I will take you up on that drink.

  10. Greg Swann April 12th, 2012 11:47 pm

    You’re a tough dog, Todd. I’m honored to know you.

  11. Alyssa King April 20th, 2012 8:18 am

    I love your spin on this, Greg. I read about this the other day, but your post was much more entertaining.