I’m a fifteen year cancer survivor- does that make you feel pity? Don’t you dare- not even for a moment! I am not telling you this to manipulate your feelings or thoughts, and I don’t want or need your warm fuzzies. I’m telling you this because surviving cancer makes you a believer in the power of truth. When I was told I had cancer, it came on the heels of a 3 year stretch where my husband Jamie and I changed jobs, had 2 kids, and lost 5 close friends and family members to various diseases and sudden or accidental deaths. Jamie had just finished fighting a serious health problem of his own and at that point in our lives, we were in full battle mode. Hearing the diagnosis of cancer is immediately clarifying. If there is any doubt about what is important in your life, cancer will instantly put those priorities in order. There is extraordinary power in that truth. You are told the truth about the disease, the truth about your options, the truth about your prognosis. A cancer diagnosis is not an easy thing to hear, but once you hear all the facts, and only once you hear the facts, can you begin to fight.
At the time of diagnosis, your first thought might be that your life is completely out of your control- but it isn’t. Once you understand that you do have some control, now you can map out a battle plan. There were times when it was tempting to boo hoo to people, and I’m sure I gave that a try. Who doesn’t want some strokes when they are feeling sorry for themself? I was fortunate enough to have family and friends around me that refused to hear it.
Chris Johnson’s post made me think. I’ve never been entirely comfortable spending much time in the RE.net, but lately it seems that a big reason for being online for many of us is simply to get validation from other real estate professionals. Have we become addicted to posting pablum for the warm fuzzies? Have Realtors, not one of the most beloved professions, found that it’s very easy to reach out over the internet and collect strokes? The RE.net equivalent of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood can easily be found in multiple places but the price you pay for your pablum addiction is very real. Pablum pimps and pablum whores can write warm fuzzies, get warm fuzzies, give warm fuzzies, feel warm and fuzzy, hold hands, sing Kumbaya, and never ever solve their problems. Solving problems requires reaching down to where the truth is, facing it for what it is, owning the truth, and working some Sun Tzu on it’s ass.
Being a cancer survivor has changed me: I’m still very empathetic, but I don’t want to hear you whine. I understand you are facing a tough situation, so tell me what you are doing to make it better. You need to vent? Go ahead and vent, then wipe yer nose and get on with it. I’ve learned how very sweet life is; I’ve learned how to wrest joy from pain; I’ve learned that life is a feast! My question to you is this: Why are you eating pablum?
Apella says:
Teri,
Thank you for this post! It will go up on my list as one of the better ones this year. I say this because I am not being fuzzie (love that by the way), but because you are right!
Please keep up the Great Work!
June 13, 2008 — 8:25 pm
Jeff Brown says:
Pablum Pimps is the name of my new band.
You’re classic rock ‘n roll on a bun. Very hardcore…and right on the money.
June 13, 2008 — 8:55 pm
Teri Lussier says:
Apella-
Thank you very much for that compliment!
You may not have been giving out a warm fuzzy, but gosh, now I feel all warm and fuzzy. 😀
June 14, 2008 — 4:51 am
Teri Lussier says:
Jeff-
>You’re classic rock ‘n roll on a bun.
Hold the cheese! 😀
June 14, 2008 — 4:53 am
Mike Farmer says:
I sort of like a combination hard core and warm fuzzy, a little spice in the diet. Or, a few puppies to pet along the way. Will you be my friend?
June 14, 2008 — 7:23 am
Teri Lussier says:
Puppppiieeessss!!!!
>Will you be my friend?
Only if you promise not to throw sheep at me. guess this means I need to find a password, update a profile…That’s a lot of work, Mike Farmer- my new FB BFF. 😉
June 14, 2008 — 8:03 am
Vance Shutes says:
Teri,
I always knew you were special, and now I know why. Thank you for sharing this.
My kids have memorized one of my pet sayings, and they repeat it back to me when I get that certain gleam in my eye: “Would you like some cheese with that whine?” Now that they have that memorized, I’ll move on to my next pet saying: “Those who say it can’t be done should get out of the way of those doing it.”
Rather than whine, and give our profession a black eye in the process, it’s better to focus on education – both for our clients, and for ourselves. It strikes me that those agents already doing so are reaping the rewards while others continue whining and saying that it can’t be done.
Again, thank you for sharing this, my friend.
June 14, 2008 — 8:43 am
Teri L says:
>I always knew you were special
Having had cancer hardly makes me special, if that’s what you are referring to, but knowing you, you probably were referring to my “hard core” attitude.
I was diagnosed when my kids were 1 & 3 and I learned very quickly not to talk about cancer, because it was very frightening to people. Old folks get cancer, not young mommies, although believe me, I did try to explain that to my oncologist… 🙂
Your kids are lucky, Vance, as I’m not so sweet. What my kids typically hear is: “Buck up and deal”. Tough crowd. 😉
June 14, 2008 — 9:32 am
Cheryl Johnson says:
Just for @Teri:
“Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness.”
You rock, girl.
June 14, 2008 — 10:32 am
Teri L says:
Thank you, Cheryl.
June 15, 2008 — 6:50 am
Eric Blackwell says:
Teri- I cannot believe that I missed this post!! Thank you for writing it. This was my turn for a thoughtful read to kick off the weekend.
I have always held the belief that we should dole out our admiration for people NOT on the basis of the trials that they have been through, but rather on their achievements and attitude in the face of those trials. (’cause everyone has ’em – just some more than others)
exhibit a: Lance Armstrong
IMO the “special” in you is the grit and determination and the “joy extractor” that you are in getting the essence out of life.
@ Vance -Too funny. my kids have heard both that AND “buck up and deal.” – more than once. hehe.
June 21, 2008 — 2:50 am
Vance Shutes says:
@Eric,
IMO the “special” in you is the grit and determination and the “joy extractor” that you are in getting the essence out of life.
You captured my thoughts exactly in this comment.
@Teri – ‘Tis true.
June 21, 2008 — 4:47 am
Teri Lussier says:
Hi Eric-
>I have always held the belief that we should dole out our admiration for people NOT on the basis of the trials that they have been through, but rather on their achievements and attitude in the face of those trials. (’cause everyone has ‘em – just some more than others)
That is very well stated. We all have trials, we just have to forge ahead somehow. If you can get through the tough stuff with your happiness and joy intact, I figure that’s the key to life.
June 21, 2008 — 6:48 am