Nothin’ big time here. A pet peeve. My intuition tells me I’m not the Lone Ranger.
To give credit where it’s due, this idea came from Mark Cuban, who takes a pretty tough stand against those using this phrase.
Ever been going back and forth with someone on the merits of a topic on which you disagree, when out of nowhere, the other guy says, “You just don’t get it”? Most of the time they say that for one of two reasons.
1. It’s absolutely, irrefutably true. They’ve tried every approach in explaining their position, including empirical evidence documented with multiple examples. Yet in the face of this overwhelming tsunami of evidential proof, you continue to maintain the earth is actually flat.
Example: The Dodgers were World Champs in 1963. A New Yorker complains bitterly I’m mistaken. My assertion is an historically provable position, which I proceed to do — to no avail. I’m justified in my refusal to waste more time with one who will not see — so I say to them, “You just don’t get it.”
2. They’ve run out of anything meritorious to say in support of their position. It’s at this point you’re supposed to realize how incredibly dense and/or stoopid you are, and that arguing with you is a worthless endeavor.
Here is an example of #1 and #2.
#1 — Newspapers just don’t get it.
Wouldn’t ever say this is universal, but at the rate they’re going down, one might conclude they really don’t get it.
#2 — Some blogging expert tells a blogger that because they’re disobeying some particular sacred cow of blogging, that they ‘just don’t get it’.
I disagree with one point Mark Cuban makes. He says using the offending phrase means the speaker is lazy. OK — maybe even most of the time. However, we all know examples where continued debate is time we’ll never redeem. Attention: Totally needless cheap shot coming. Just checked the NBA records listing league champions the last 20 years. The Mavericks don’t appear. It would seem that organization just doesn’t get it. 🙂 Disclosure: Author is Lakers fan, and may be victim of personal bias. Just sayin’. Seriously, with all his faults, the NBA would be better off with more Mark Cubans.
It would help me and others immensely if you’d give your examples of ‘you just don’t get it’ — both kinds.
Ever been unfairly told ‘you just didn’t get it’?
‘Course, speaking for myself, time and/or experience will often slowly open one’s eyes to the verity of that phrase, spoken long ago by a well intentioned but frustrated friend. Oops, they were right, I just didn’t get it.
Sometimes it’s not that we’re lazy, it’s just, well — we really don’t get it.
That when you should just move on — and get over it. Get it?
Doug Quance says:
That falls in line with “you don’t know… what you don’t know.” – which I understand all too well.
Sometimes, we just can’t see the forest for the trees.
July 6, 2008 — 10:22 am
Bawldguy Talking says:
Pretty much, Doug. A painful epiphany is when one day we say it to ourselves.
July 6, 2008 — 11:52 am
Sean Purcell says:
Jeff,
Got to go with Mark Cuban on this one: laziness at the very least. Borders on the ad hominem in that the person is being attacked rather than the argument.
There is a lack of truthfulness in much of what we say (I want to add “these days” to the end of that statement but hell… people may have always been this way). We speak in short hand and use words that do not reflect what is really happening.
One of my favorites along these lines is the word “can’t”. I have taught my boys that ‘can’t’ is a dishonest word and belongs with the other four letter doozies we don’t use. When they want to say “can’t” I ask them to stop and be honest with themselves: either they are “physically unable to” or they “choose not to”. Either phrase is acceptable and the latter phrase is quite clarifying.
Same goes for “you just don’t get it”. What is the person actually saying? I am tired of explaining something poorly? I am unable to find an argument that is persuasive? You do not have the experience, cultural perspective, native intelligence to comprehend and I never should have engaged you in this discussion?
A little honesty would go a long way here. I would try to make this clearer Jeff, but you just wouldn’t get it.
July 6, 2008 — 2:00 pm
Bawldguy Talking says:
Sean — Wiping tears, laughing.
Love how you’re teachin’ your boys. ‘Can’t’ is a four letter word. It IS usually won’t, or don’t wanna.
You gotta give it up though, on the lazy thing. Yes, it’s lazy the vast majority of the time, no argument there. But there are times when yer just not gonna make headway no matter what.
Some of my favorite fun is to ask folks for empirical evidence/examples demonstrating their point. So often it’s then they pull out the ‘don’t get it’ card.
Last week I replied to a local agent, “You’re right. I don’t get how you can’t give me one example of your so called obvious point”
Steaming silence — me smiling — “Hey, how ’bout those Chargers’?!
July 6, 2008 — 2:16 pm
Roberta Murphy says:
Sigh.
Been there, done that:
Another good conversation plug.
(My mother-in-law’s favorite)
July 6, 2008 — 9:31 pm
Bawldguy Talking says:
Hey Roberta — I love my mother-in-law — she lives in Ohio. 🙂
July 6, 2008 — 9:38 pm
David Shafer says:
Oh yes…..been there many times. Most recently a financial planner arguing his position by referring to a theory he really doesn’t understand. Facts are easy to find…..if you look! But it is so much easier to just go along with the herd!
July 7, 2008 — 7:14 am
Margaret Mitchell says:
Hi Jeff – I loved this post because, well, umm, I like rational discussions. I have come to understand that, “You just don’t get it” is code for “You CLEARLY didn’t hear me, or didn’t understand, because if you did you CERTAINLY would agree with me.”
So when I am the recipient of this phrase, thrown at me like monkey dung,I reply slowly:
“I hear you. I understand what you are saying. I just don’t agree with you.”
I usually have to repeat this a few times, and add a regurgitation of their point after each phrase, to convince them of my comprehension.
What happens when light dawns, and they can no longer deny my comprehension, but inconceivably, I continue to postulate that they might be wrong????
What can I say, except, umm, they just don’t get it.
July 8, 2008 — 5:34 pm
Bawldguy Talking says:
Margaret — Couldn’t have said it better.
July 8, 2008 — 5:47 pm