There’s always something to howl about.

No sharks allowed! The predictable consequences of government regulation of the financial markets

I wrote this for No Treason in July of 2002:

This morning’s New York Times has a curious piece on Alan Greenspan’s recent denunciation of greed.

The article consists of a series of quotations from Ayn Rand and from Greenspan in the days when he was incontestably in the Randian camp. On Usenet I wrote:

Well, I had wondered when someone here was going to remark upon Greenspan’s denunciation of greed, but I thought the article itself was very good. I expect the Times thought that merely quoting those texts was damning enough, but I thought they were nice selections. It would have been nice to point out that these events are the consequence not of capitalism but of our fascist mixed-economy, of Orren Boyle, not Hank Rearden, but I think the Times may have done its own cause more harm than good.

But wait. There’s more. The Times quotes Rand as saying “I make mincemeat out of the kind of businessman … that runs to government for assistance, subsidies, legislation and regulation.” Precisely what kind of corporate executive — not businessman — do they think has committed these awful crimes?

Does the New York Times think that the securities market, the sine qua non of these scandals, is free?

A year or two ago, conservatives were rejoicing that half or more of Americans were now ‘capitalists’, owners of the means of production, either directly or through retirement plans or mutual funds. Now that the New York Times is lamenting the sad fates of these — call them by their right names: Indiscriminate, uninformed, degenerate gamblers — is anyone happy to have the nation’s capital in the hands of such cry-babies?

Does the New York Times honestly believe that ordinary people should own securities? Does the New York Times believe that anyone who would gamble his retirement savings on the most volatile of stock issues should be pitied for suffering the predictable consequences of what Greenspan calls “infectious greed”?

Back when he was young and admirable, Alan Greenspan wrote that going off the gold-standard “put a penny in the fuse-box” of the American economy. Actually, the old and tired and irascible and very possibly corrupt contemporary Alan Greenspan has done the same thing, putting a penny in the (virtual)gold-standard (virtual)fuse-box crafted by his predecessor, Paul Volcker.

But securities laws have the same sort of effect on the stock markets: The state erects some pretty signs at the shore that read “No sharks allowed!” And down to the beach come the vast hordes of bathers, each of whom has spent not one second’s effort in due diligence. The blood-bath that follows is the fault of the sharks, to be sure, but they didn’t invite these idiots to go swimming.

The particular corporate sharks under scrutiny truly did lie to their shareholders, but the intelligent question is: Why would anyone invest in a business where the managers don’t have to answer directly to the owners? Limited-liability corporations and massive stock issues encourage investor ignorance by making true due diligence virtually impossible.

Does the New York Times think that anyone should invest in a business when true due diligence is virtually impossible?

Does the New York Times think that anyone who does not do true due diligence prior to making an investment should be encouraged by regulation to invest in the securities of limited-liability corporations?

In the casinos of Las Vegas, 74% of all the action is in the slot machines. Slots are a negative expectation bet. That means that for every dollar put into the machines, less than a dollar will be returned. To the slots do the uninformed repair, and to the slots are they doomed until they improve their minds.

Back in the poker room is the only true positive expectation bet in the casino — it is possible to walk out with more, sometimes much more, than you came in with. Most people don’t, of course. And, blessedly, the tables are arranged in such a way that the uninformed cannot do too much damage to their estates while losing at poker.

Over here is the $1/$3 Omaha table, where the pots run less than $20. Over there is the $20/$40 Stud table, where a good bluffer can take down as much as $250. Back in the corner is the $300/$600 Texas Hold-’em table, where a good hand might draw $10,000. But only in special rooms at special tables do gamblers play No-limit Hold-’em, where pots can run to six figures. Give a $1/$3 player a ‘share’ in a No-limit game and he will be back to the slot machines in minutes. Not because professional poker players are crooks, but because they are not amateurs.

Encouraging natural born slot-jockeys to ‘invest’ in No-limit Texas Hold-’em is the real crime, not the “infectious greed” that is the predictable consequence.

As a postscript, this essay was written before the movie Rounders convinced every jackass in California with a baseball hat to put on backwards that he could play Hold-’em at the Bellagio, and it’s important to remember that we’re talking about securities regulation, not poker. But the poker pros have a name for all those pretty boys with the hats, the sunglasses, the hair gel and the iPods: They call them “dead money.” I expect there is a similarly accurate sobriquet on Wall Street.

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