There’s always something to howl about.

What is the difference between a weblogger and the press?

Most men have bound their eyes with one or another handkerchief, and attached themselves to some one of these communities of opinion. This conformity makes them not false in a few particulars, authors of a few lies, but false in all particulars. Their every truth is not quite true. Their two is not the real two, their four not the real four; so that every word they say chagrins us, and we know not where to begin to set them right. Meantime nature is not slow to equip us in the prison-uniform of the party to which we adhere. We come to wear one cut of face and figure, and acquire by degrees the gentlest asinine expression. — Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance

The other day I was on the phone with Jessica Swesey from Inman News and 17 bigfoot real estate webloggers. We were discussing the plans for the Bloggers Connect event at this summer’s Inman Connect. Someone suggested that a panel could address how bloggers can come to be treated as “press.”

To which my instant reaction was, “Ew!”

I really like Jessica Swesey, but, to me, “media” or “press” or especially “mainstream media” suggest the worst kind of teacher’s pet, hall monitor, establishment toadyism. Support the blood drive! Adopt a puppy! Come to the Ladies Auxiliary Bake Sale! It’s not the intense fascination with bad news that riles me as much as the plastic-smiled saccharine boosterism. I am least comfortable when I don’t know if I am being lied to. When I lend my mind to the “press,” I feel like I am being lied to in one way or another most of the time.

This is exactly what weblogging evolved to eliminate. Love him or hate him, Charles Johnson is never trying to hustle you or pander to you. Webloggers say exactly what they mean, and they document every controversy with copious links. Doubt me? Please do! Here’s how you can find out everything I know, with links at each stop to further amend your knowledge. You will die trying to pursue all the links, but — unlike all the preening Dan Rathers of the “press” — a true weblogger will never affect to have authority ex officio.

The real challenge is for mainstream media types to come to grips with the world of weblogging. Some, like Michelle Malkin or Mickey Kaus, have made the transition completely: They work and think like webloggers whose work sometimes appears in print. Many, many others look as comfortable as male cheerleaders or conventioneer arm-candy escorts in our world. “Don’t touch anything! You never know what you’ll catch!”

It’s the reminders to change your clocks that have me stirred up at the moment. I’m seeing them everywhere, and it makes me mildly ill. This is just the type of happy-babble nonsense you expect to see on the TeeVee “news” — big-haired future PTA presidents marching in lockstep to A Better World.

In Pump Up The Volume, anti-hero Mark Hunter says, “Eat your cereal with a fork. And do your homework in the dark.” That’s weblogging, acknowledging the mainstream media, if necessary, by highlighting its absurdity.

I don’t intend to write about Daylight Savings Time (we don’t have it in Arizona, thank god), but if I’m going to see nine thousand mentions of Daylight Savings Time, how about one, at least, that questions the establishment line on this moronic ritual, instead of just echoing it with a completely unnecessary redundancy.

“We won’t get fooled again?” My fear is that, craving “acceptance” from the “press,” we are campaigning to become them, “not false in a few particulars, authors of a few lies, but false in all particulars.” It’s a long leap from pimping for Daylight Savings Time to pimping for Dan Rather. The uniting factor, in my mind, is the pimping. “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss?” When that “gentlest asinine expression” turns into a full-blown plastic smile, we are done for.
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