There’s always something to howl about

Spread the Wealth Around Real Estate

Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that Spread the Wealth Around Real Estate will be the name of my new real estate company. You can call it S.W.AR.E for short. I plan to open doors nationwide just as soon as the election is over. I am a very patriotic person and I want to model my new company after the feds. I anticipate rapid growth and high demand for the exciting and much needed programs that I am going to implement. Keeping up with it all is going to be very taxing.

Our business model is very simple: Spread the wealth around – You don’t need all that darn money!

Top earning agents will give back 70% of their commissions to the company. Then we (the company) will redistribute it to underperforming agents in the office.

Top listing agents will be told to hand over the vast majority of their listings to the worthless bums that sit around drinking coffee and gossiping all day. It seems that sitting on your rear isn’t very productive and we need to help them out.

Agents that have SEO will quickly become SOL! We will move aggressively to forward their leads over to agents that don’t even own a computer. Exactly how they will communicate with the prospect is something that we are still trying to figure out. Do typewriters get online? We’re working on it…

My people (that I’m not really affiliated with) have already begun distributing my autobiography to elementary school students in the continental United States to ensure proper brainwashing. History will soon show my model to be the salvation of the real estate industry. Yes, thank you, thank you. It’s all me. Unless something goes wrong then it was the previous administration.

And, if you aren’t licensed but want to come to work for S.W.A.R.E, just tell the state examiner that you are down with commission redistribution and they will give you a real estate license in ANY name that you wish. It’s that simple! We try to avoid rules and regulations as much as possible and we have very little time for facts. No red tape…only red flags waving at our corporate office.

Don’t think of my new business model as Realtor(R) welfare or socialism. Instead, think of it as all those hardworking and innovative son-of-a-guns don’t need all that money as much as you do.

Remember, Spread the Wealth Around Real Estate. It works…even if you don’t.

I’m Jessica Horton and I approve this message.

Paid for by Fleeced Americans.

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    23 Comments so far

    1. Missy Caulk October 16th, 2008 7:04 pm

      I missed you, this is great.

      Jim Crawford wrote a similar theme on AR, but without your humor. He used the same illustration, the top agents give 1/2 your commission to the NON-Producing agents. That way we can spread the wealth around.
      Only problem is we will not be wealthy and since 20% of the agents make all the money we are in BIG trouble.

    2. Jessica Wynn Horton October 16th, 2008 7:34 pm

      Hey Missy!

      Thank you, thank you! It’s all me! (giggle) ;)

      I’ve missed you too. Just haven’t had too much time. Been very busy trying to catch up on a few things and taking some CE classes. Jim is a great guy and I will have to go read his post.

      Well, I plan to get back to being one of the top 20%. No more brokering for me. Brokering = broke for me. I’m getting back to what I do best.

    3. Lisa Heindel October 16th, 2008 7:46 pm

      Now that’s one way to put in into perspective for people who ALL know someone sitting next to the coffee pot and kvetching about the market. Nice to see you posting again.

    4. Brian Block October 16th, 2008 7:51 pm

      For some reason, I just don’t see this concept of “trickle up” economics working. It never has and never will.

    5. Jessica Wynn Horton October 16th, 2008 8:10 pm


      I won’t get to see too much of it. I quit the Board of Realtors last week. I told them to cancel my membership. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

      I plan to try and post a bit more on here. Starting to get settled in. Hope you are doing great! :)

    6. Jessica Wynn Horton October 16th, 2008 8:12 pm


      Shhhhhhhhhh! Don’t tell Washington or the American people.

    7. Joe Hayden October 16th, 2008 8:17 pm

      If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em… Billions will be floating around for the taking. Now, keeping it may be a bit tougher…;)

      Great post…;)

    8. Joe Hayden October 16th, 2008 8:45 pm

      Hey Jessica… Would you elaborate on your comment above about quitting the Board of Realtors? Thanks!

    9. Gary McNinch October 16th, 2008 10:10 pm


      My other thought was just take lots of that extra Bellevue money (just have the govt print more billions) …. travel out to the center of the 520 floating bridge over the great Lake Washington … dump it in the middle of the bridge and then let the Seattleites and Eastsiders scramble for it …. Everyone gets a chance to take the extra money and use a total online company to buy or sell with … no need to make anyone wealthy, just SWARE.

      You crack me up, Gary @ RentonHomeFinder

    10. Eric Blackwell October 17th, 2008 3:29 am

      Bob the Plumber?…. meet Jessica the REALTOR…err…real estate agent?? ;-)



    11. Jessica Wynn Horton October 17th, 2008 3:36 am


      It’s funny you should say that. My husband and I were just more or less saying the exact same thing.

      Well, those monthly corporate officer meetings in Maui get rather expensive. ;) J/K

    12. Jessica Wynn Horton October 17th, 2008 3:41 am


      Dick Gaylord sent me this long e-mail about why I should support the bailout. I gave Dick a short 2 word answer.

      Then I quit the bored (<—on purpose). I’ve tried the change it from the inside approach and it doesn’t work. I’ve been on hundreds of listing appointments and never once, that I can remember has being a Realtor(r) come up.

      My $300.00 or so dollars may not be much in the grand scheme of things but it is my $300.00 something dollars that they won’t be getting.

    13. Joe Hayden October 17th, 2008 7:46 am

      Interesting point, Jessica. It never comes up for me, either. I’ll keep that little enlightenment for future reference… The BOR in my area does a pretty solid job, so I support their actions.

      As for my “can’t beat ‘em” comment, my wife and I (she does mortgages) have decided we are along for this ride and to look for ways to capitalize. I disagree with so many facets of it all to the core of my most cherished beliefs, but rejecting this unfortunate trend on principal won’t do me much good, either.

      Good luck with your business!

    14. Larry Brewer October 17th, 2008 8:56 am

      Jessica – Great post. Most of the working class needs to read this. The rest of the country who is living on the entitlement programs, and want more, would think that this might be too much work. A better idea is that you take all the leads, make as much money as you can, then give them half of the money. That way they don’t have to learn anything.
      Keep it up.

    15. Courtney Cooper October 17th, 2008 1:59 pm

      Hi Jess – I look forward to seeing what you do next!

    16. Lane Bailey October 17th, 2008 5:44 pm

      Miss seeing you in the rain…

      Great post. Funny how the people being redistributed TO think it is cool, but those being redistributed from aren’t all that cool with it.

      But, a focus group can’t be wrong.

      And maybe the top producers can make it up by charging a 35% commission.

    17. John Sabia October 17th, 2008 6:24 pm

      Too funny. Great post.

    18. Joe "" Kennedy October 17th, 2008 9:40 pm

      Funny post Jessica! How can I sign up????

      Congrats to you for quiting the board – now you can continue to live and work with your higher ethics. I quit them last year and have not missed any benefits. We’re lucky up here that we don’t have to be board members to have mls access!

    19. Nate Sisam October 18th, 2008 7:45 am

      Great piece,

      You forgot or shall I say. I’m sure it was a small oversight that you will have someone in the administration look into. That 50% S.W.A.R.E’s gross profits will be distributed to vendors in jeopardy of being eliminated from the referral list for under performance first, then the balance will be distributed to the coffee pot.

      Congrats on the career move !

    20. Jeff Brown October 18th, 2008 11:49 am

      Notice there’s no comments from the ‘other’ side? When you so openly and clearly name what they’re doing, they go back into hiding.

      It’s only when they can call taxing/spending ‘investing’, and Marxism ‘helping your neighbor who’s merely less fortunate than you’, that they remain in the light of day. Living a life based upon the foundation of honestly appraised merit, is anathema to them.

      Thanks for a brilliant post.

    21. [...] rest of this can be read over on Bloodhound Blog.  Click here to finish reading [...]

    22. Smithers October 20th, 2008 4:31 pm

      That was great. Glad I found this before it was lost in the ongoing pack of new posts.

      Jeff, good liberals know you get more support for re-distributing wealth by making the “distributees” unassailable victims (example, the 1% CA tax on all income over $M that goes specifically to go toward mental health programs, not the evil general budget).

      Apparently, 97% of this country are victims that the other 3% need to pay for. This won’t be enough, and soon enough it will be the top 25% paying for 75%, then 50/50, until we are Sweden. At least in theory, but won’t be nearly as nice as Sweden for a whole host of reasons.

      I’m still not sure what I will actually do (take half the year off?), but why work for the government when you can have the government work for you?

      Maybe some of the Dems in Congress will temper the Supreme Obama plan a bit before it is passed. (hehehe)

    23. steve norris November 7th, 2008 10:34 pm

      Great analogy. Sad that so many buy into this in it’s political “yes, we care” garb. All the more reason for those who think clearly about these things to be a thorn in your congress-critter’s side to soften the coming gov’t blows as best we can.

      BTW, I think AR pulled your 2 words post. I tried your link and also cut n paste from within and it dead ends.