There’s always something to howl about.

Not just any fools: Heavy on the light rail propaganda, please . . .

Almost three years ago, The Goldwater Institute, a free-market think tank in Phoenix, published a devastating accounting of the light rail system now being built in Metropolitan Phoenix:

[The Maricopa Association of Governments]’s public transit plans deserve close scrutiny. Use of urban public transportation systems has been in decline since the end of World War II, when public transit provided 50 percent of urban travel. Last year, only three percent of urban travel in America was provided by public transit. This decline has occurred despite prodigious government efforts to prevent it. Governments now spend 30 to 40 times as much on public transit as for roadways. But evidence suggests that transit is not the most effective use of public transportation dollars.

Of all the options in the public transit mix, light rail deserves the most scrutiny. Because it requires its own special track, it lacks the flexibility of buses, which use existing city streets. And because tracks would be constructed on existing city streets, light rail in the Phoenix region is actually projected to increase traffic congestion. Furthermore, in no city in America does light rail transit account for much more than one percent of urban person-miles of travel. The Phoenix light rail system is projected to account for only two-tenths of one percent of travel in the region.

The average cost of light rail per passenger-mile is around $1.50, almost double the cost of bus transit, and five times the cost of automobile transportation per vehicle-mile. On average, taxpayers pay nearly 90 percent of the cost of light rail passenger travel, considerably more than for all other transit modes. Worst of all, light rail would do almost nothing to relieve traffic congestion. Because 80 percent of new light rail passengers in Maricopa County would be former bus passengers, light rail would remove less than one car in 1,000 from traffic.

To my knowledge, no one has ever challenged the numbers in this report — perhaps because it is based entirely on Valley Metro’s own projections. The Arizona Republic dismissed it with high-handed hand-waving, insisting — I kid you not — that people say that kind of stuff about light rail systems everywhere. And, of course, they do, for the simple reason that, of all the idiotic ways municipal governments have come up with for “solving” their traffic problems, light rail is absolutely the most idiotic of all.

But it is not sufficient simply to suppress the facts. Light rail systems stack the deck in their favor with Transit-Oriented Development zoning overlays — forbidding car-friendly construction and subsidizing development that, presumably, will make the trains run on time. But even this is not enough. What’s missing is that PR buzz that will make light rail seem like a great success even into its second or third year of palpably obvious failure.

Enter the Arizona Republic, which, as recently as 15 years ago was an actual newspaper. By now it is nothing more than the cheerleading squad for the Boosterdoggler Coalition, a corporate welfare cabal that manages to con the taxpayers, every three years or so, into funding yet another failed rebirthing of Downtown Phoenix. On this Christmas Eve, we are blessed with six utterly incandescent puff pieces about commercial development along the route of the trolley line.

First we have the seen and the unseen, of course. That this money is being invested along the route of the trolley does not imply that it would not have been invested elsewhere, if there were no trolley. Arguably, since the trolley is such a huge waste of money, private capital would probably be more productively invested elsewhere, trolley or none. And, obviously, no one at the Republic wants to take account of all the private businesses that have been destroyed by trolley construction.

But second, we need to take a moment to reflect upon the types of commercial development heralded by the Republic. Let’s say some fine young Yuppie specimen pops for a $400,000 condo in what is, at least for now, a sketchy neighborhood. He can hop in his car and make it downtown (assuming he actually works downtown) in nine minutes flat. Instead, we are expected to believe that he will prefer to take the trolley, at an average speed of 14 mph (Valley Metro’s own estimate), all the while taking the risk that some random wino will throw up all over his Ferragamos.

Any fool should be able to figure this out, and, although this sort of situation is hardly local, perhaps the motto of the City of Phoenix should be changed to, “Not just any fools!”

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