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Face Down in Iceplant

To pluck a petal from the bloom of  friend and  recondite commenter, Don Reedy, I’ve been ‘face down in a slope of iceplant’  for 30 days. Yes, iceplant.  (I’ll let the man himself expound a little later but allow me to tempt you with the essence of his yarn—- it involves a houseboat in San Diego, a Belushi Halloween costume (including handcuffed briefcase), and a lost weekend somewhere in the bowels of the 1980s. Un huh.)

You see, I too have been on a pastoral  quest  of sorts this month and  presently find myself scurrying through the  Bloodhound shadows to slip this flimsy piece under the Big Dog’s door before the triple witching hour tonight—June’s last breath.  I take a peek around the literary pound and am relieved to  find that my WordPress password is still active and that my name and mugshot are still posted on the BHB sidebar.  Only a handful of  hours remains between me and blanking an entire month on the hallowed front post page. Hopefully I’ll push Publish before the final strike of Midnight and keep the holy streak alive.  Admittedly, I’ve been remiss in my self-imposed dogmatic duties.

So this is what has gone down since I last posted Mother Nature is not a MILF on May 30th (an essay written mostly on my iPhone that netted a total of 6 unique comments including a few of my own trite responses). I pooled my talents, sunk my literary savings into a mental Ponzie marketing scheme, and found myself  nearly wiped clean from the blogarian grid as I danced 30 days straight ‘with the one who brung me’ to this economic station in life to begin with—real estate sales.  Eleven of them to be exact.  I’ve never done eleven of anything in a single month much less an activity involving commission checks with accompanying deposit slips.  And now, after eleven hard money contracts written and/or Closed in June, I come crawling back to my digital workspace on knees and elbows on this last day of the month, famished and thirsty for Google juice; mind, gut, and Adword account all but drained. On figurative creative fumes. A quip or two every few days on Facebook (again, via my iPhone) has been my only contact with the electronic media. I forgot to pay my Comcast bill. Twice.  When I finally booted up my laptop at home to begin this piece last Sunday, the bastards had already unhooked my shit. Some nice gentleman from a war torn Third World nation assisted me with the re-connect. I think he said his name was Billy Bob.  Billy Bob Pakhtoon.

I posted my first blog in December of 2005  because my lead generation efforts had basically dissolved into sediment.  Momentum alone carried me through 2006. It was only after reading a Time Magazine article later that year that I decided to change my real estate physiognomy and commit to a low carb regiment of  dietary backlink fiber.  For the next several months I was more concerned with the BMI on my Page Rank scale than the actual dirty act of  soliciting….ahem…. property.  And as my writing skills appeared to flourish, my sales skills began to atrophy.  I showed up at my accountant’s office in 2008 with my 1099s in hand and his secretary asked for ID. I was fiscally unrecognizable. I had become the Joaquin Phoenix of  his client base. I told her she should check out my blog, that I was now a writer and a Realtor. I believe her response was, “Whatever. Cash or credit card only, Mr. Petro.”  Whatever…

So, as Mr Reedy so beautifully explains it in the comment section of a previous post, “A friend found me two days later, face down in a slope of iceplant (I’ll bring a sample, because iceplant only grows where it doesn’t freeze). It took another two days for my face to lose the iceplant imprint…”

And there, too, is where I only recently found the other half of my creative soul.  In Iceplant. Face Down. On a Slope.  Imprinted.   I’ve said it many times before on this venue; I can either write or I can sell.  I just can’t seem to do both at the same time worth a darn. So for the next 30 days or so I suppose I’ll write.  I’m in a  Francis Ford Coppola Zoetrope Screenplay Contest with an August 1 deadline. Now that’s as good an excuse as any for not selling jack squat in July.

Publish

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  • 12 comments

    12 Comments so far

    1. Anne Cunning June 30th, 2009 3:20 pm

      As I do every month, look for the poetry and colour you put into the English language that makes my head explode as if I were just coming home from Woodstock, listening to “just” a commentator on the radio. It must be an excruiating pain to have this much literary genius pent up inside for a month. Not that you need encouragement by any means, but nourish your garden well, look to the sky … there’s more for you interpret that, at least I, look for every month. As for your real estate sales commission check, how much more do you need than a roof, food, and transportation?

    2. Don Reedy June 30th, 2009 5:05 pm

      My friend and colleague,

      May I begin by saying how much I, too, along with others who I am sure will comment, missed reading the insights and insides of your fabulous brain.

      But, 11…………

      I believe, based on my knowledge of real estate, my scant knowledge of (but great appreciation for) literature, and a “beautiful friendship” that has grown between us, that out of this rejuvenation will swell the finishing touches of a screenplay that will light up the silver screen.

      So you got me to thinking. BHB makes for strange bedfellows, and I can’t stop but quote Jeff Brown, who is rather a Jack Kerauoc figure, don’t you think? Here’s what he says:

      I’m not sure how to categorize myself, so I won’t. Suffice to say at times I endeavor to inspire, gently scold, encourage, or just plain call things as I see ‘em. Today’s thoughts are probably a mix of all those, but more a reality check than anything else.

      Thought: I realize preparation and process have their place, but at some point shut your pie hole and actually do something which will end up with you in front of somebody who can either tell ya to go to hell, or do business with ya.

      Geno, you always inspire, but in this confession of a real estate pro scared straight, you DID IT, didn’t you? You shut your proverbial literary pie hole for a month, ended up in front of 11+ somebodies, and thus ensued success.

      I want to really, really congratulate you on having the courage and the wisdom to do only one thing, one thing hard, and one thing right, during the past month. I want to congratulate you on being a bloodhound.

      Now, go fetch some rest, some tonic water, and then bound back into our lives with the best damned screenplay you can bark out.

    3. Ken brand June 30th, 2009 7:00 pm

      I don’t now is the right word is “glinty” or “glimmery”? One of those.

      All the best with your screenplay. Stay with that, it’s in you.

      Thanks.

    4. Kristal Kraft June 30th, 2009 7:40 pm

      I so glad Billy Bob got you reconnected! Congrats on the 11 sides, (yes there is a God!) and now let’s talk about internet banking & Comcast.

    5. Brian Brady June 30th, 2009 8:27 pm

      YO-lev. Nice work, Geno. I’m all for you writing a screenplay but well, 11 X 12 X $300,000 X .03 ?

      …you get the idea.

    6. Richard Stabile June 30th, 2009 9:11 pm

      Am i understanding in the literary jog that you were out selling real estate in this wild market. Great! That is what you shoulod do. Make money to buy milk.

    7. Teri Lussier July 1st, 2009 4:08 am

      Note to self: Always always always precede Mr. Petro’s astounding posts. Never never never follow that tough act.

      11 sides? Thank god. I was beginning to worry that your dog was going to waste away.

    8. Geno Petro July 1st, 2009 5:11 am

      “That’s what you should do. Make money to buy milk.”

      Well hell…now im back to where I started.

      €;•|

    9. Jeff Brown July 1st, 2009 10:20 am

      What Brian said. :)

      Every time I begin to believe I’m a notch above ‘wannabe writer’ you show up, resulting in that silly belief regaining consciousness in the ice plant.

      Still, I love how you skinned June’s entire herd of cats.

    10. Vance Shutes July 1st, 2009 10:44 am

      Geno,

      Like you, I’ve been up to my ears in listings and sales, and have been WAY too long since commenting. Frankly, I hope it remains that way, but if not, I’ll be a more frequent visitor to BHB again.

    11. Eric Blackwell July 1st, 2009 2:31 pm

      @Geno- Congrats on the 11. Way to go. That’s a fair amount of feline pelts…

      @Brian- quote: “YO-lev. Nice work, Geno. I’m all for you writing a screenplay but well, 11 X 12 X $300,000 X .03 ?”

      Ray Charles coulda seen that one coming…(grin) And especially could have seen Brian saying it…

      I am not gonna offer my opinion on your choices for the use of your time. My new mantra has become: “Do what you live for, and what you cannot die without doing. And do it well and completely.”

      If what you live for is a screenplay, you know there are lots of us that will be planting our butts in the seats at the screening. (or putting up the $20 for the book)

      If it is skinning cats…well, watch out for the folks at PETA…you are going to be on their Most Wanted list…I’m just sayin… ;-)

      Congrats again. Nicely done.

      Eric

    12. Geno Petro July 2nd, 2009 10:06 am

      Three of the deals rolled over into June and finally closed. Seven were new buy sides. The other was an accepted contract on my only Listing.

      Being able to sit down and use the other side of my brain, Pricele….

      Thanks for the comments and for reading,

      G.