{"id":14105,"date":"2011-02-13T22:26:34","date_gmt":"2011-02-14T05:26:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/?p=14105"},"modified":"2011-02-13T22:26:46","modified_gmt":"2011-02-14T05:26:46","slug":"a-valentine-for-cathleen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/14105\/a-valentine-for-cathleen\/","title":{"rendered":"A valentine for Cathleen."},"content":{"rendered":"

I want to be the man she sees when she looks at me.<\/p>\n

That’s a country song, ain’t it? It’s the first line of the hook. That’s fun for me, and everything like that is fun for me, but it’s more fun because it’s so painfully real.<\/p>\n

In love more than anything, and in my marriage to Cathleen more than once, I have seen myself at my worst, much to my shame. Those are good words — I have seen my self at my worst — the kind of words that, the more you worry them over, the more you find yourself thinking the way I think.<\/p>\n

But: Being eloquent about bad behavior is ever the poet’s absolution, and I absolve myself nothing. I know I have done badly by Cathleen, because I have seen myself doing it. And because, having done it, by impetus of memory I can never stop<\/em> seeing myself doing it.<\/p>\n

And yet, when she looks at me, she almost never sees anyone but the man I could and should always have been.<\/p>\n

I want to be that man.<\/p>\n

I want to be good, I want to be good, I want to be good — I’ve always<\/em> wanted to be good, and I’ve always known what the good was to me — my own ego. And I’ve done a pretty good job of developing and defending my ego, I think, not so much in spite of the resistance I’ve run up against but because<\/em> if it.<\/p>\n

But I’ve won much of my freedom, I know, by scaring would-be bosses-of-me away. I’ve never hit anyone, not since I was a boy. I’ve never needed to: I can lay a lash on you that will sting forever in ten words or fewer.<\/p>\n

But here’s a fact of nature I managed to learn in just fifty short years of careful study: Not everyone is trying to be the boss-of-me.<\/p>\n

Many people are, of course, and one of the things I’ve loved about living my life so publicly, at BloodhoundBlog, is that I get to see dominance games I’ve been watching my whole life, but I get to see them Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I want to be the man she sees when she looks at me. That’s a country song, ain’t it? It’s the first line of the hook. That’s fun for me, and everything like that is fun for me, but it’s more fun because it’s so painfully real. In love more than anything, and in my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-14105","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"hentry","6":"category-egoism-in-action","8":"no-featured-image"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":90,"url":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/90\/striking-a-blow-for-principle\/","url_meta":{"origin":14105,"position":0},"title":"Striking a blow for principle","author":"Cathleen Collins","date":"July 15, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Kudos to Ardell DellaLogia for her condemnation of Buyer Agent Bonuses!The mere concept that a Buyer Agent will be enticed to lead a buyer to one house over another, because of the amount of money that Buyer Agent will make when it sells, shoud be offensive to every single agent\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Real Estate"","block_context":{"text":"Real Estate","link":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/category\/real-estate\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16029,"url":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/16029\/unchained-melodies-darling-be-home-soon\/","url_meta":{"origin":14105,"position":1},"title":"Unchained melodies: Darling, be home soon.","author":"Greg Swann","date":"July 4, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Today is our tenth wedding anniversary. Cathleen and I have been a couple since January, 1998, but we got legally, lawfully married on Independence Day in 2002. Our \"our songs\" are No Myth and Thunder Road, but there are some \"my songs\" that I think of often to remind myself\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Egoism in Action"","block_context":{"text":"Egoism in Action","link":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/category\/egoism-in-action\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":744,"url":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/744\/who-are-these-guys\/","url_meta":{"origin":14105,"position":2},"title":"Who ARE These Guys?","author":"Jeff Brown","date":"December 7, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"As you may have already noticed, I took some time to visit with Greg Swann and his way cool lady, Cathleen Collins. As you can see in the picture Greg put in his earlier post on this visit, nobody will ever mistake me for Burt Reynolds. And to his credit,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "General"","block_context":{"text":"General","link":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/category\/general\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":168,"url":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/168\/is-the-blame-game-best-played-solitaire\/","url_meta":{"origin":14105,"position":3},"title":"Is the Blame Game best played solitaire?","author":"Cathleen Collins","date":"August 3, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"In case you missed it yesterday, Jonathan J Miller from Matrix gives us a truly great mental image in his posting, The Housing Blame Game. As a real estate professional, of course all of this has been on my mind. While all of our buyer clients have done very well\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Real Estate"","block_context":{"text":"Real Estate","link":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/category\/real-estate\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16997,"url":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/16997\/unchained-melody-stumblin-onto-the-heart-of-saturday-night\/","url_meta":{"origin":14105,"position":4},"title":"Unchained Melody: Stumblin\u2019 onto \u201cThe Heart of Saturday\u00a0Night.\u201d","author":"Greg Swann","date":"September 12, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Cathleen and I went on a great big outing today. Big for the Coronavirus-infested world, anyway: We went to the Home Depot in Laveen \u2013 30 treacherous miles from our home, along a fairly new freeway spur. In other words, duck soup in January but somehow a fairly big deal\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Casual Friday"","block_context":{"text":"Casual Friday","link":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/category\/casual-friday\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/f7UHd7NVegE\/0.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2016,"url":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/2016\/christopher-columbus-a-top-producer-for-the-ages\/","url_meta":{"origin":14105,"position":5},"title":"Christopher Columbus… a top producer for the ages!","author":"Cathleen Collins","date":"October 8, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"I had a buyer in my car the other day. A nice, interesting, serious lady whom I've been emailing back and forth, and talking to for the past many months. But this was the first time we had met face to face. I thought we had built a truly congenial\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Real Estate"","block_context":{"text":"Real Estate","link":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/category\/real-estate\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14105","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14105"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14105\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14106,"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14105\/revisions\/14106"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14105"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14105"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bloodhoundrealty.com\/BloodhoundBlog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14105"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}