So many shades of white: Making homes look like offices robs them of their ultimate value – their hominess.

At last! Relief from your lifelong yearning to live full-time at the dentist’s office…

That’s funny. Here’s what isn’t: This icy, monochromatic style of interior decor is everywhere. The rule of the MLS is this: If they homeowners spent money on their home on the way out, they made it grayer and less homey – by a lot. Flippers? So much the worse.

Women’s magazines don’t give advice on exterior decor, so from the outside homes are done in creams and browns, meat and potatoes. Iceberg interiors are a fad driven by people who abhor human beings and their actual emotional needs. Literally no one wants to live at the dentist’s office, they just can’t stop heeding bad advice.

Workplace decor is sterile so that you never get too comfortable. This style of interior design is inflicted upon home-buyers by people who hate homey colors – creams and browns – and the warmth and comfort they induce.

It’s worth noting that this home design fad took root just about the same time the government outlawed warm, homey incandescent light bulbs. Our light is cold and blue, and so are the surfaces reflecting it.

I’m showing you the kitchen, the homiest room in a home. It’s not there to make a design statement, but rather to make stew – ideally in the colors of stew. Plus which, a homey kitchen cannot seem to abhor drips and splashes – which is what medical countertops are meant to reveal.

I’m mocking cheesy flippers mimicking cheesy women’s magazines, but more deeply I’m objecting to this whole design esthetic for homes: Home is literally meat and potatoes. Almost always looks like that from the outside. Only lately have we fled from that look for interiors, opting for this sterile monochromatic office look.

Clearly, I’m against it, but I’ll add a couple of caveats: First, I’m only interested in marketing to the middle of the bell curve – the Buick Regal buyer. Second, the stoutest heart of that market is here, in Sun City. I don’t think anyone feels at ease in an iceberg interior, not without overlaying everything in browns and creams, but I’m pretty sure my demographic – 55+, very middle class – wants nothing like what they get from flipper after flipper.