In its on-going effort to waste as much tax-payer money as possible on the pretense that Phoenix is a city, the Downtown Phoenix Partnership blew $160,000 on a new image campaign for our fair suburb.
The result? Downtown Phoenix is to be known, henceforth, as “Arizona’s urban heart.”
That’s the best they could do.
I admit the job is a challenge, since Phoenix is not and never will be a city. It’s the world’s biggest suburb, and, if you like suburban life, it is heaven on earth. But if you’re looking for hustle and bustle, thrills and chills, action and crowds — you’ll have to look elsewhere. We don’t do that.
Consider the points made in the Republic article, though:
“The brand touts Phoenix as the best place to have a cosmopolitan experience in Arizona.” Damn betcha. In fact, I think I might prefer this as a slogan: “Phoenix: The cosmopolitan cow-town!”
More from the article: “A new brand alone won’t draw more tourists overnight.” A very safe prediction.
“Phoenix has a long way to go.” Wrong. It’s perfect the way it is. Only our city government hates it.
“For a brand to work, it can’t just be a lofty goal, marketing experts say. A successful brand must spotlight something unique about the city and deliver on what was promised.”
Indeed. I agree completely, so I thought I’d chip in my ideas for a motto for Downtown Phoenix — for free!
How about this? “Downtown Phoenix: Even the bad guys go home by six!”
Or this? “Downtown Phoenix: The city with elbow room!”
Or this? “Downtown Phoenix: As much fun as Omaha — but no snow!”
Or this? “Downtown Phoenix: More government boondoggles than Egypt!”
But for a motto that really works for Phoenicians, we need to isolate the one fact about Downtown that matters most to everyone. So this is my idea for a perfect slogan:
“Downtown Phoenix: Where the hell do I park for jury duty?”
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